To my 7-year-old son,
I want to tell you how much I love you. You are my first-born and you’ll always be my baby boy. You’re growing up so fast and part of me wishes you would just stop. Mommy needs some time to catch up to you.
There are things I haven’t told you yet, that I desperately want to share with you. First off, I want you to remember how smart and strong you are. you didn’t have an easy start to life and sometimes I feel it is my fault even though I know it’s not.
You were born six weeks early and your first three weeks were spent in the hospital until you were finally able to not only breathe on your own but eat on your own without the assistance of a feeding tube. Mommy was so scared! I tried to be with you for as long as I could during those three weeks, but it was just the beginning of a mile long list of the things that you shouldn’t have had to endure in your young life.
A month after bringing you home, we learned that you might have Cystic Fibrosis. I didn’t know a thing about it and everything I looked up about it, made me frightened. We caught a small break with the diagnosis because we found out you have CRMS (Cystic Fibrosis Related Metabolic Syndrome) instead. They said you may progress and get worse or you may not have any symptoms at all.
I know you hate the doctor’s appointments and the sweat tests that they do almost every year, but I promise you, it’s to help. I pray and pray every time we go to those appointments that you’re not getting worse and that you never will. You’ve been my rock and I don’t ever want it broken, but it didn’t end there for you.
Then you had to endure the loss of your father and only two-and-a-half years old. Your whole world shattered. The older siblings you had never came around and as much as I tried to be strong for you and your sister, I think you knew that I wasn’t
I was so scared during that first year after we lost your dad. I was scared of what it would do to you and if you would ever have a man in your life to look up to. I was scared that I would fail you and I wanted nothing more than your happiness.
Then you got older and the medical conditions just kept piling up and still are to this day. Along with the CRMS you have been diagnosed with flat feet, ADHD, asthma, and we will find out soon if Dyslexia is to join the growing list.
But you have persevered. You turned into an amazing little boy and I love everything about you. You’re sensitive and caring and a smart, little number ninja. You are going to become an amazing young man and I want you to know how much I love you and how much I only want the best for you because you deserve nothing less!